1.5 Litres

Oh fuck off.

2010-11-02T11:34:00.000-07:00

My last few days have been successively shite. But that is only because i took too many drugs on Friday and am still yet to get over it.

At least i've reminded myself never to do uppers ever again because i crash and burn like a motherfucker for at least a week after.

I have however discovered a band i quite like recently. Future Islands. His voice is unusual and it is a little heartfelt/emo which i quite like.

My friend played with warpaint on Friday, which was awsome! I liked warpaint, but i'm only really crazy about 3 of theire songs. I thought my friends band were better. The 2:54 check them out.

Colin is just loose and i have pretty much given up on him as of late. He has his own life now, and i think he hates me.

Anyway. I took my camera out the other day and filmed a few people. This video does however look like i am a little bit obsessed with my ex girlfirend, (the ginge) which i'm not. Just had nothing else to film.

Immunity.

2010-09-11T13:25:00.000-07:00

I can't drink Heineken or anymore alcohol for that matter. Jesus. Its such a strange time at the moment. I feel nervous, sad and excited about alot of things. We broke up, again and for the last time. We had a huge argument over me not wanting to go and chant in a yurt which resulted in me being called a fat loser and a killjoy, amongst other nasty and unnecessary things. It chips away at my self esteem which i don't have much of anyway. I knew it would be like that. And each time its like that i lose respect, confidence and love for her, and its reached that point where i just don't care anymore. She said she didn't think that she could be with someone who isn't spiritual. And I'm not. That is just not who i am, and she should have known that. And i don't think i can be with someone who relies on drugs so heavily. Its frustrating and it hurts but its for the best and as soon as i get my money I'm off to the U.S. It's going to be a super adventure and I can't fucking wait.

Fuck You>Fuck Me>Fuck Off.

2010-09-07T03:39:00.001-07:00

This morning i threw my reebok classic at the radiator and argued with her, again. It's not being able to know what she wants, what i want, or wether it is worth it when it comes back to this again and again.

We exchanged views in a loud, annoying lesbian way. Which resulted in alot of pushing and the throwing of 2 Korean Ginseng pills into our mountain of clothes, in which they got lost like a brick in a river.

It's hard to remain calm when you're being told time after time how shit you are. I try my best but at times like this it all seems to be retracted and taken away, so it hurts.

Last night i got takeout from Pompoko after i left the studio - i love the tofu chilli don dish they do. Last time we went there i got 'chicken' which diddn't really look/taste that much like Chicken so tofu is a better option.

I began to read Oliver Spleen's book the other night, once i started i found it hard to put down, even though my eyes were just about open. It is called 'Depravakazi' and you can buy it Here

Ciao.

Go on then

2010-09-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

I feel tempted to just stay in this evening and watch some cult classics. Would be pretty good to watch the rest of MILK (About Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man to be elected to public office in California) But i guess i promised so i should stick to it and go out for at least an hour or 3.

I bought a digital drawing pad off ebay 2 days ago and i think that it is the best thing i've ever purchased from ebay. I know this is geeky but, he was such a great seller. The item was literally brand new and was only £24.00 and arrived so fast!

Our trip to seawhites was amazing, you can't beat a day out to the stationary store. Getting £5000 and going to America. G'bye.

Processed Meat October

2010-09-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

Everyone come to this:

Photo - bro

2010-08-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

Jump - er

2010-08-29T05:02:00.000-07:00

No you

2010-08-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

Scream would not leave me alone. For days, everywhere i turned he was chasing me in that fucking mask. Finally i managed to knock him out with a scaffolding pole in a derelict pet shop in London behind a rabbit hutch. I ran, and made it as far as the musical lesbian gym before remembering i had to be at toms bar for the club night.

Ha Ha Ha.

2010-08-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

I can't describe my love for really bad children's jokes. I've spent the last hour on google searching kids jokes and being most amused. Here are a few i found extra amusing:

Knock, knock
who's there?
Twit2
Twit2 who?
You sound like an owl!

What creature sticks to the bottom of sheep ships ?
Baaa-nacles !

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogey in it!

What did the water say to the boat?
Nothing, it just waved.

Collaboration with Fox & Shazza Marazza Kilazza

2010-08-01T21:59:00.000-07:00

I'd rather have a ring than a finger.

2010-07-27T17:44:00.000-07:00

Sentence of the day. I looked back and thought about how much pizza i ate on the beach. It was so tasty though. I hold my trotters up high and say i was a pig about that.

London was good. Kind of went abit pear shaped, but doesn't everything sometimes? Tonight i ate some skittles as a desert, and whilst doing so, i decided that the best way to consume a skittle would be to suck it until its pleasantly malleable because then when you chew its not so hard on your jaw.

Pea head

2010-07-22T17:45:00.001-07:00

So i haven't blogged in so long. There has been many funny things i know i should remember and write about but my brain tumor must be growing and therefor my memory is not so good; so i cant remember any of it. and that was a pointless sentence.

Ralph has had the car for over a week, so we have been super lazy. Before the car came into my life, i started to feel alot thinner. and i felt like i was growing muscles. But now (due to the car, not all the blocks of cheese we eat for breakfast) I don't feel as thin and have definately become alot lazier. if that is a word.

Musical instruments are great.

Tuesday

2010-05-18T07:52:00.000-07:00

Today a tramp woman barged past me and called me a 'fucking bitch' she then pushed me into the front of JD sport's window really hard...at first i thought about chasing her and saying 'who you callin' a bitch?' in a kind of Bronx/Ghetto/Beyonce type way...but that's not really me so instead i just scuttled off into the shadows of JD sports, only to look up and see everyone staring at me as the fat blob stomped off into the sunset like a hungry wolf.

Fucking Bitch.

Bus

2010-05-05T06:54:00.001-07:00

So i spent most of the bus ride home wanting to turn around, to see whether or not his face matched his scarily similar Robson Green voice. Luckily he got off before me and he wasn't Robson Green. I then spent the remaining time wanting to strangle a latino slapper who was wearing 3" heels made from black plastic, and about a million fake gold bangles around her wrists, which i wanted to saw off and burn.

TIGHT-s

2010-05-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

This is not me.

However. I do own these tights and i did make the mistake of wearing them to work at a traditional old man's pub in five ways.

Shall i quote what got said? yeah. okay.

'I thought you're meant to turn over on a sun bed?'
'where is your other leg?'
'you forgot your other leg!'
'oh look its Heather Mills'

and i think the only other comment was; 'oh she can hear me and she hasn't even taken her helmet off' (i.e hair)

The comments really made me laugh, and i even thought about telling Dan he should do stand up.

6667

2010-04-08T05:02:00.001-07:00

I won £20 on a scratch card and bought £8.44 pounds and pence worth of groceries. Today is great. I went to the doctors about various things. I wanted to ask her if she thought i was a hypochondriac but then i thought, would a hypochondriac actually go to the doctors about being a hypochondriac? HELP ME I'M A HYPOCHONDRIAC. SO no. The highlight of my doctors visit today was definitely watching her type in my notes 'Is not incontinent' If only she had seen me 2 weeks ago pissed out of my face courtesy of tuaca, pissing on Fox's carpet.

88

2010-04-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to Rhianna - Rude Boy on repeat today since 1pm. The weekend
has been blurry. Involving insane neighbours and friends at war with each other due
to lack of conscious bearings and basic geography skills. These things happen, i just wish they wouldn't
happen to us, or at least without the baseball bats.

On a lighter note we bought an extra large tiger from the spiral charity shop yesterday,we named him Julius. He brings a certain positive feeling to the room. He feels lucky, although i think he is a little bit to big to come to the shop with me to buy a scratch card.

The other day at the pub i did something really, REALLY stupid. Not that this is hardly surprising, as i feel that my undiagnosed brain tumour has increased in size and the effects are having an increased regular effect on my everyday life, but anyway. So i was at the pub - early for once. Pottering around, it got
to midday and i thought 'hmm its quiet, where is everyone' then i realised that i hadn't actually opened the doors and there was a bunch of angry old men stood outside. So i let them in through the side door, they moan for a further 15 minutes about how stupid i am, and i am agreeing trying to make abit of a joke out of it
but one of them just would not shut UP. He is one of those people that feels the need to comment on every single thing you do, and god help if a WOMAN should light a fire in and old mans pub the way she has been shown. Which then prompted another RANT about how to light fires and how i was doing it wrong. Apparently he used to
be married to a porn star or something so i don't really care about what he has to say, he is disgusting. (I'm not saying i wouldn't marry a porn star)

I just whipped myself in the eye with my headphone wire.

Back to square one, loss of vision round 2.

2010-04-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

I was sick of looking like a BO selector character in my reading glasses. All thanks to the twat in specsavers that rushed me and told me i looked good in those RIDICULOUS glasses. So yesterday i decided to pop out the lenses and stick them into my other vintage frames that i got from Berlin last year. Obviously they were a complete different shape and did not fit at all, they stayed put on and off for about 10 minutes until i dropped the D.I.Y contraption and lost a lense inbetween a floor board. So now I'm left with a half hearted wanna-be monacle which to be honest aint gonna cut it.

Last night was unexpected. I spent way too much money, bought scratch cards and lost as usual, danced on a speaker to reminisse with shauna to princess superstar - perfect exceeder, Vic broke the table, but its nothing that no more nails can't fix, Meadow almost cried, i realised i should be spanish and I can't get enough of her.

F10

2010-03-20T01:50:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of dreaming about the end of the world and having sex with men. Last night I dreampt that Middlesex uni was for rejects and everyone who went there could not play rugby. There was an endless supply of bottled cola and i mixed ginger beer and orange juice together in my nan's cup. It then went on, Lottie Newth was there and so was my mum. It was the end of the world, the buildings were flying and everything was being sucked back to the earths core...A mixture of things through the ages, dinosaurs victorians and things like that. Everytime i look up what my weird dreams mean, the evil dream book i own tells me some shit answer. Which is usually along the lines of 'someone close to you is going to die/ a death in the family/ you're gonna die. So i stopped refering back to that about a year ago. Seeing as its answer for everything was...'you're gonna die.'

Last night was fun. Me, Bonny and Meadow took JUDE to the Regency tavern (my new favorite place they have ASAHI on tap) then we got food and came home. I need to stop eating so much. Its getting rediculous now. You would think i have never been fed the way i go on. And i definately have put weight on because the bags under my eyes are more promenant and that is because my cheeks have got fatter and i can also tell because I'm getting wrinkles on my wrists from the wrist rolls...sounds like a desert.

2010-03-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

Ok so I Illegally downloaded Illustrator and have been faffing around. Hmm. I'm not too impressed but hopefully it will improve.

In other news. I passed out and embraced a few minutes of serious amnesia. It was weird. I'm convinced i have a brain tumor now, it would explain my lack of interlect and blurred vision.

+/-

2010-03-10T05:15:00.000-08:00

Had a strange ten minutes in a changing room today. I thought i spotted a gray hair and was horrified...I tried to pull it out, and then i spotted another one...this went on for a little while until i realised that it was just the light on my hair and infact non of it was gray and i'd just plucked a respectable amount of hair out of my fat head.

##

2010-03-09T10:14:00.000-08:00

Today has been nice.
Mel and Aimiee came down for Aimiee's interview at Brighton. It went well, so after we went to the lion and lobster for cheesy chips and a few beers. Lorah came down on saturday and we had a good few days. A few good drunken days. It's good to see those guys...don't really get to see them that often. Things are good, Its been a good few weeks. The only way is up...

Care

2010-03-05T06:32:00.000-08:00

Baby oil is widely overlooked i reckon. I don't know why. I don't really know anybody who uses it. It is SO SO good. Once it has dried and you're no longer left looking like a freshly oiled chippendale...the results are quite fantastic. And plus, i remember i had a friend at school called Stacey and her mum Sharon was friends with my mum (Jude) and i remember my mum telling me that Sharon moisturised with baby oil since she was 16. And i swear, at that time she was 36 and didn't have a wrinkle in sight.

~

2010-03-04T07:56:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMMjEOY3VGk&feature=related

++

2010-03-02T22:02:00.000-08:00

Line drawings of Ian Brady and Myra Hindley (Foundation art 2008)

Computerised development

Posthaste

2010-03-02T21:22:00.000-08:00

Today i missed an entire day, and remembered the reason I very rarely smoke weed. I remember once when Rosie and Mo Habib came over with some when we lived in Coventry. We smoked a fair amount, and i must have just drifted off around 11pm, as when i awoke i had slept completely through work the next day and was just laid in the middle of my living room floor freezing and surrounded by the remnants. Today wasn't quite like that but i did sleep until 10pm.

First aid kit are playing at the hope on the 8th of this month, I'm not sure how i feel about them. Suppose i should just go and find out. Romy managed to get me and fox in free to their gig last night, which was really good of her. Only managed to see the last song of these new puritans, which was INTENSE. In fact, the whole gig was really intense. The XX were as amazing as ever. I think the whole combination was great, lighting, sound, talent. It was superb.

Oh Owl.

2010-03-02T17:29:00.000-08:00

48

2010-02-28T22:28:00.001-08:00

Next Month:

2010-02-28T17:20:00.000-08:00

Late night doodles

2010-02-28T17:17:00.000-08:00

Paul & Mel.

Shit-rait

2010-02-28T16:04:00.000-08:00

To Marry An American.

2010-02-28T12:21:00.001-08:00

Books/Shit camera.

This is my favorite:

It fell out of a kids book when i was working at the charity shop, it was a donation. Don't think the kid likes Max.

Colin

2010-02-28T11:11:00.001-08:00

I love this picture of Colin when he was younger.

'I love it when you really need a wee but you hold it in. It feels nice. Until you piss yourself.'

2010-02-28T08:11:00.000-08:00

After reading my friends blog on pattern design. I remembered i had these:

What happened?

2010-02-27T11:45:00.001-08:00

I kept getting waves of nervousness last night. I shouldn't have drank so much vodka, because I barely remember leaving. Alot of people came, and it was fun. The highlight of my night was seeing Sarah Ferrari's litle happy face in the corner dancing with a fake moustache stuck in between her eye brows. It looked so funny, i hope Vic managed to get a picture.

Bomb Scare.

2010-02-25T10:42:00.000-08:00

I've attempted to write this entry about ten times, and im starting to feel the rage.

I went to college today, but not before i bought a secretly pre shook bottle of cherry lucozade from the newsagents opposite the bus stop on western road. (It went everywhere and lucozade sticks, so that was annoying.)

When i started on my project in class, Chris came in and i had a mini conversation with him about how his weekend back up in Leeds was. He said it was ok apart from his friend died.

Later we did some stenciling (BORE.) As we had all just got our materials ready and began to work, Chris came storming in with a pertubed look on his face and pointed to several people in the class and said he needed to see them outside immidiately. Scott just carried on with the lesson but my erratic imagination started going off on one. Especially when all of the people he called outside had to get theire things and leave the premises. I asked Shaun what was going on, and he just said that Chris said anybody with children has to go home.

So you can imagine that by this point i was like WHAT. (I was a little jealous that i didn't have a child, and wasn't allowed to leave early) but then i started thinking, well WHY? why would Chris send them home because they have children? Is he sparing them? and it crossed my mind that i was about to get blown up in college as part of a mass student slaughter by crazed tutor who has lost it due to the death of a close one. The ones like you see in America. I should have had more faith in Chris. This did not happen. He spared us all.

After college i went to ALDI to buy vodka, wine and jelly for tomorrow. As i was walking round jingling all the glass bottles together and looking like a substantial alcoholic i spotted an old guy stood by the fruit & veg just staring into space. He was really old, and wearing a flat cap. He also had abit of old food stuck to his jersey.

I asked him if he was ok and if he needed any help, but he couldn't hear me, so i went closer and i asked again, but he couldn't hear me. SO i went closer and asked again (I was almost licking his ear at this point) Anyway, we got chatting and he said that he had been stood there for almost 20 minutes because he was waiting for someone to help him get his shopping because A) he couldn't see B) he couldn't walk and C) he was preeeeeeeeetty god damn deaf.

SO...I went to the manager and asked who was supposed to be helping this poor guy (His name was Joe by the way and he was 94) and the conversation went like this:

Me: 'Hi im just wondering who is supposed to be helping the old man over there get his shopping?'

Twat: 'Oh yeah him over there' (Points to young security guard on his phone)

Me: 'Oh well he's not helping him is he?'

Twat: 'Well he has to stay at the front of the shop, what do you expect me to do? close the shop?'

Me: 'Er, well NO but you could have at least told the poor man that non of your staff were going to help him get 5 things on his shopping list'

Twat: 'Well I'm busy'

Then i had to walk away because i could feel myself about to swear. Poor Joe was stood there on his poor old legs for 20 minutes whilst some dick at the front of the shop can't even be bothered to help him get his shopping, it took me two minutes to get a trolley and just get everything he needed. I called him a cab after and sent him on his way. He was so sweet. And now i just feel like writing a letter of complaint to that stupid cock in ALDI. Maybe i will. Maybe I'll just bomb aldi.

My Bathwater Was Dirtier Than The Sea

2010-02-24T10:34:00.001-08:00

When i was in the bath today, i remembered the first time that i realised skin was waterproof. I was about 10 years old, and i remember thinking 'oh, thats clever' - well, yes, yes it is clever. Skin that is waterproof, whatever next.

Anyway. I then went on thinking about this moment in time when i realised that my skin was waterproof, and i then remembered to my horror that this was also the day i had a poo in the bath and blamed it on my goldfish. Who was in his tank. In the Kitchen. The poo was clearly a human poo as it was about 2x the size of the fish itself. This then made me think that i must have been younger than 10 because if i was pooing in baths at the age of 10, and believing i can blame it on goldfish, then i surely must have been younger.

If i ever had to work in WHSmith, Brighton. I think i'd probably end up getting done for murder. I went in today and asked where would i find Augusten Burroughs's, memoirs and the lot of them looked like i had just had a poo in a bath and blamed it on my goldfish. One of them even said, 'what is a memoir' to the other and the other looked at me and i had to explain. All in all, i just got pissed off and stole a birthday card for my mother.

It reads in big letters on the front: 'I'm out of oestrogen and I have a gun'

Au Revoir

Money

2010-02-24T06:12:00.000-08:00

I signed up to google adsense, which apparently means i can make 'money' from having that google toolbar at the top of the page. I will probably only recieve like, a penny for every thousand websites clicked, but whatever. Maybe I'll get rich.

Really need to get rich soon. My mind is going crazy, thinking about different methods. I think selling cowboy hats from the 99p store on East Street is definately a good one...although i don't think it will make me 'rich' but every little counts. And drunk people; they buy anything.

Today i managed to actually wake up and get out of bed before 3pm. I'm shocked at myself, but somewhat pleased...and I'm hoping this nightmare of not being able to sleep at all through the night is coming to an end.

//

2010-02-23T19:47:00.000-08:00

I found this video i made whilst deleting all the unwanted files that are blocking up my shitting computer. I don't think there is anything more annoying than delayed typing...i type and it takes about ten minutes for it to show up. So im getting rid, of everything that is clogging it up, but i thought this was kinda nice/cheesy so I'll keep it here, with everything else that is nice/cheesy.

6

2010-02-23T17:35:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things don't feel real

PROCESS THIS

2010-02-22T21:20:00.000-08:00

Processed Meat Launch Party!

Free Vodka
Great Music
A Raffle
Face Paints
and glow sticks. Embrace it.

Expect:

Where did you get that mexican jacket? ... its not a mexican jacket, its just my jacket...

2010-02-22T18:07:00.000-08:00

...Its been given to charity now.

I am SO tired. I can't ever sleep. This blog (I only just realised) is pretty self absorbed and annoying. And until i find new subjects to write about, I'll probably carry on about nothing, that is meaningless.

Today I bought some baby oil, wax strips for my tash and Jerry Springer the opera on DVD. The baby oil is good, it makes me soft. And the DVD; WELL. is the best thing i think i've watched this year, although it does get abit annoying after a while, they do drag some parts on abit but if you can get through those bits the rest is really funny.

I tell you what is clever, shake to activate dentyl mouthwash refreshing clover flavor. Not only does it kill 99.9% of oral bacteria...it is pink, tastes amazing and gives you something too look at after.

Well good.

2008; A very bad year.

2010-02-20T11:11:00.000-08:00

As the sun subsides, another dark hour is leant upon me,
and the minutes turn into days,
and the light all turns to dark.

The fresh soil becomes dry and sincere with dyspohoria, and the memory of such beauty is stretched from the grasp of my hands, of my mind. I am all but nothing now in this light, If ever there be a light again.

Working in the winter

2010-02-20T08:05:00.000-08:00

The winter depresses me, I think I would rather be trapped in a room with Susan Boyle on Viagra, than get out of bed on a winters morning and have to go to work. But seeing as I didn’t have Susan Boyle at hand, and a hand full of Viagra, in effort to just prove to myself how much I would rather not get up, I would usually just get out of bed and growl around the house until I could half heartedly appreciate the pathetic effects of the rusty old central ‘heating’.

I lived in a four bedroom Victorian terraced house in the Midlands. You know the types, ‘Residential’ where teachers and people who owned their own businesses would live. Not too posh, but a lot posher than what I was used too. Asides from living next to an ex convict/complete psychopath who was on the brink of insanity, it was a really nice place to live. Working in the charity shop was good, it was just getting up and getting there that was the problem.

Once there, i would have to deal with weird 35 year old Stefan who would come in every Saturday invading my personal space in his grey pleather jacket and comb over. He would ask me exactly the same questions each week, only to receive the exact same answers.

S - ‘Can I take you for a drink?’
M - ‘No.’

This went on for about 8 months until I resigned. Stefan was strange, and definitely a few Bunsen burners short of a practical science school lesson. He would pretend to browse the video section but just stare aimlessly in my direction with a disturbing grin on his face. I hate to say it but in fact there was a few missing cards that managed to find there way into the shop.

A local alcoholic named Janice was probably my favourite, ‘If you need anything darling, just whistle’ She was eccentric, and I don’t think I had ever met anybody like her before. She had something about her, something which made me want to explore her face. Not physically, definitely not physically, id be to afraid that if I touched her she’d dissolve. Her face just looked like it could tell a few stories, like it had been to middle earth and back again and found the ring. I think she meant ‘Just whistle’ with the honest intent and actual belief that she was able to magically appear like Cinderella’s fairy godmother or similar if I just whistled, and I tell you what, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s exactly what would of happened. I never dared whistle, just on the off chance that she would appear. Like a genie from a lamp, but It was a sweet gesture. The only thing she could probably do is show me how to neck a bottle of merlot in about ten seconds anyway, and maybe stumble up and down the high street for a few hours, tracking down balls of old wool and anything made from real animal fur.
She was eternal. I’d find her in the local pub often on my lunch break, completely unhinged by about midday, staggering around in her marks and spencers navy blue high heels, clutching dozens of empty glasses for the bar staff, dropping and smashing them and drunkenly slurring some sort of apologetic speech at the manager for the next twenty five minutes, insisting she was only trying to help. Everybody knew who she was and everybody adored her I think, in their own special way. I’d hate going to get lunch from the pub when she was around because her teeth reminded me of very old tombstones and she would always be hovering around me and smiling whenever I would see her, so I would feel like I was sometimes eating my lunch within close range of a mobile mini cemetery.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom in the world of dead people’s clothes and unwanted classical records though, the things you would come across were pleasing. I found an 80’s Casio keyboard so I of course had old Sussanah on loop pretty much as soon as I set eyes on it. I then found a family fortunes ‘X’ wrong answer keyring, which replaced my voice for the word ‘no’ for the next two days, and to top it all off I found a 500 piece jigsaw of Elizabeth the 1st in which a wave of excitement rushed through my entire body from head to toe. She was my favourite English monarch by far and I dedicated the next two weeks of my life to completing this jigsaw in memory of the big ginger, supposed virgin.

The only part I didn’t enjoy was the time when I found a bag of dirty knickers. That was disgusting. I wretched four times as the pungent smell of old discharge that slapped me in the face. And having to work with Joyce, a frail old lady who was probably born 6/6/6666 BC and on deaths door, I remember my manager saying she wasn’t long for this world, as she had been read her rights four times already, but still managed to piss on the light in the tunnel and do a u turn. Yet behind her frail sorry exterior and long thin gray hair which reached her hips almost, lied something definitely related to Lucifer himself. Joyce would frown behind the till, adamant that she was in charge and shout at children waving her walking sticks in the air. I remember on my first day I accidentally placed my coat on top of hers in the cloak room, a mistake I was sure never to make again. I’d never heard an old lady sound that angry before, she spoke to me like I had killed a kitten with a pencil, she was frightening, and I think she is still alive.

I bought my friend Ellie a bag of marbles from the shop for her birthday once, the old kind, the ones that slightly resemble a cats eye, and in her card I wrote:
‘Ellie, I have found your marbles’ she didn’t seem too impressed when she opened it, in fact she looked quite upset. I hope she wasn’t a closet manic depressant. I didn’t stay friends with her for very long really. Maybe that’s why.

Getting too and from work wasn’t hard, considering I only lived around the corner. I used to ride my £20 black second hand mountain bicycle there and back taking me around ten minutes. But I remember on this one particular day, it was snowing, It was early December and I was running late and I had forgotten my gloves, and foolishly under estimated the weather and told myself ‘it will be ok, its only around the corner’ I found myself peddling like a chipmunk with a gun to its head, so fast, whilst preying (to a god that I don’t even believe in) to please please please just let my fingers stay attatched to my oversized hands (and the breaks of course) for the duration of the journey so I can at least get inside and attempt to defrost my digits with steam from the kettle in the shop kitchen, that’s if they aren’t completely frozen to the bicycle handle bars in which case this is it, this is how I die. Because it is too late to go back now. I will never leave the house gloveless in a blizzard ever again. I think I would much rather die in a fire than freeze to death. Just incase anybody is planning on killing me with temperature, my preference is hot. Just make it fast.

Too much fun is not fun

2010-02-14T20:41:00.000-08:00

Still on going, and still nothing is sorted, everything is a mess. I need to be confined.

And the music don't feel like it did, don't feel like it did with you.

2009-06-26T03:38:00.000-07:00

I have a hamster, that has been missing for the past two days, his name is Colin, but he really reminds me of Roy, the deranged old pensioner that comes in the shop each morning with a bag full of cuddly toys and cook books for Celia.

Me and Rory went swimming yesterday in the sea, it was freezing at first but i think i warmed myself up laughing at Rory's 'this is fucking freezing, why am i doing this' face. We swam about but then i had to get out when Rory said that her friend Martin saw jelly fish in the water.

It's Rachel's birthday tomorrow so hopefully the weather will be hot cause a whole bunch of us are going to the beach for a BBQ.

SAY-ON_ARA.

Well.

2009-03-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

I spent my last 40p on a potato that im probably going to have to cut into quarters and eat daily.

Keep up the pace

2009-02-10T23:53:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep at all. Last night was terrible, apart from staying up until the early hours chatting to Jasmin about nits, It's just getting worse. I can't stop worrying about my accounts with halifax and how much money i owe them, how much money i don't have, worrying about paying rent on time, wondering where the hell my student loan is, worrying about how im going to get everything to Brighton, worrying about references, worrying about how fat i've got...sounds rediculous dosent it? So many things going wrong in the world and I'm sat worrying about these selfish things. But its almost like the world dosent exist here in this room, the room of insignificance and pessimism.

Just made a cup of coffee that tastes like shit.

Around you, there is everything...

2009-02-06T21:16:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by LaurenZibeth

...and the grass will allways be greener on the other side.

Its warm outside, she will be alright

2009-02-06T19:44:00.001-08:00

Rach & Andrew
Originally uploaded by LaurenZibeth

This picture makes me laugh, Its Rachel and Andrew when they were younger. You know, sitting in this room and thinking this much, makes you just never know how you really feel.

Rachel called me earlier, she is still really ill. Its been two weeks now, and she is getting worse. She has got an ear infection and blood keeps coming out of her nose. I then went onto thinking about what i would do if anything ever happened to her. Shes the only person in my life that i completely believe in, what we had...and still have in a way, was so pure and meant so much to me. Basicly i just went off on a dodgy tangent and started thinking about brain tumors.

Focusing on trying to sleep, keeps you awake and visa versa.

2009-02-03T18:33:00.001-08:00

Sunno)) ... I don't like them. I like my poster but thats it.

Not much to write about really, suprisingly nothing has been happening in my fatigued, dull and spiritless life. I should probably start worrying about how many days i waste just sat encased in this room.

Sunday was good. Me, Hannah and Joe sold things on bricklane ... considering i have never ever been so cold, it was enjoyble. Joe sold our stuff amazingly and we drank tea. A gypsy threw a toffee at me and a strange man who was walking past and started laughing with me and Hanna and it was the funniest thing ever. I wish i had got it on tape, he was so strange. I hope he is there again next week. (note: wear 5 pairs of socks, and layer up like a mother next sunday. Oh actually we probably won't be there next sunday as its Hanah Y's party on Saturday and i very much doubt we will be in any fit state to sell things to the public the next day.)

Anyway here's some pictures, that aren't very exciting but they fill space.

Junk.

So Brookside.

Condoms

2009-01-28T17:07:00.000-08:00

I stayed over at Rory's last night, we ate beef stew and watched shameless, i fell asleep before 10pm and she woke me up by slapping me with a condom filled with water. Which i decided to name a 'condomabomb' Anyway, im going to sleep and dream about everything that is good.

I care about you, like Hitler cared about the Jews...and thats not very much.

2009-01-27T05:07:00.000-08:00

I can't fucking wait to leave this fucking room. Its driving me up the wall and if i see one more noodle im going to cry. Can never sleep, havent slept yet...meeting Rory today at 4:30, but im so tired.

This 'blog' is becoming abit stale and whiney. Would maybe be abit more exciting if i actually left the house instead of staying in 24-7 & eating chocolate spread that is'nt mine.

Me and Rory are moving to Brighton within the month, i can't express my excitement, its gonna be an amazing summer. I'm going to buy a piano.

I spoke to Rachel on the phone this morning, she is totally cool about me moving back, I knew she would be, but i just diddnt want it to make her feel like i was invading her space or, well whatever. Its all good. She is the only person in the world that i absoloutely 100% trust completely. So it will be nice to take her for nice 100% cups of trust tea sometimes. In the sun.

Anyway. Must dash i think i am going to throw up.

People.

2009-01-25T18:09:00.001-08:00

Make me angry. Im going to hang out with more animals.

'You will spend the next ten years, working out the last six months'

2009-01-25T02:01:00.000-08:00

Its true.

On saturday i woke up at 5:24PM and its now...Sunday 5:40pm and i havent slept...how many hours is that? 36 i think. I'm shit at maths.

Today i rode that fucking BMX to Beckton retail park, and (this is no suprise) it was the most pointless most boring fucking day of my entire fucking life. I browsed the magazine shelves in WHsmith reading shit about how Amy Winehouse is back on the good road, and how Jade Goodie is dying of cancer and is bald. I Tried on clothes that i couldn't afford and in the midst of all this boredom and pointless entity I realised that i really do love brookside.

I watched some movies last night, Bride wars (it was shit) ... 40 year old virgin (it was nice but abit soppy) and another film that i can't remember the name of which was just about a man who was a sex addict and his mom was insane (Angelica Houston)

Oh how can you win, against yourself again.

2009-01-22T10:42:00.002-08:00

I feel like I can't even see straight for all the disorientated thoughts and confounded dysfunction that is running around my tiny brain. I've quit uni, I didn’t want to do it, did I ever want to do it? I don’t know. 90% sure that the next thing to do is move back to Brighton. The only thing worrying me is that Rachel lives there and even though we've been taking it in our stride to become friends, I don't want her to think that she plays any part (what so ever) in the reasons why I’m moving back. I'm sure it will be fine, she is very understanding and probably wouldn’t think that anyway but over the past few months I have just become a total paranoid weirdo, so I’m just feeling abit uneasy.

London is ace, and everyone is brilliant but, there’s just part of me that feels suffocated by a cushion of partying and ill thoughts. There is a lot of things that can bring you down here, as everyone is so intertwined. I feel like I’m having abit of a mid life crisis at the age of 20. Which also, can't be very good. I think the worst thing you could do is to just completely invert and become a recluse, but whatever, I’m going to do just that. The worst thing a person can do, is to collaborate with other peoples dangerous minds.

If Rory is pregnant we're going to keep it.

2009-01-15T13:35:00.000-08:00

ah.

2009-01-15T06:15:00.000-08:00

9% yours.

2009-01-13T08:18:00.000-08:00

Going to hop on the health train and grow up abit...

Smile if you're an idiot.

2009-01-12T06:37:00.000-08:00

LAST NIGHT WAS A MESS.

Only because of me and my fucking phone though, the rest was brilliant. Jumped on a taxi mans shoulders when he wasnt ready, danced with a dog, Cried, told Rachel i still loved her on the phone (????????????????????????? not true) kissed amandine, kissed shelly, kissed the dog, broke the 3 month bet, took drugs on a toilet floor, lost all dignity, sang 'spiiiiiiiiiiiiider webb spiiiiiiiiiiiiider webb' to spider webb from the horrors in the joiners, and i think i told him he was gorgeous, text too many people saying rediculous things. I need to stop telling my friends i fancy them. Anyway time for ab fab and definately time to face this horrible comedown.

Dancing on the legs of a new born pony

2009-01-08T16:11:00.000-08:00

5 things that have happened since i last wrote:

1, I caught flu from a harmonica.
2, I almost gassed my family by leaving the cooker gas flowing for 2 days (on low) and it was only until next door smelt it and reported a gas leak coming from our house that any of us realised.
3, Nothing
4, Nothing
5, A war

SO.

Thats it in a nutshell. Met up with Rachel today, it was nice. Refreshing almost. We went to the white horse and then to casa blue, i had my first mohito. Its such a nice feeling to know that the feelings that were once there now lie elsewhere.

Tomorrow i cant wait to dance.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Hksil-KkebQ

Sweet times, with sweet people. I hope.

This is about nothing at all.

2008-12-28T11:20:00.000-08:00

Well seeing as photobucket is being a twat, i can't upload the pictures from today, not that they are very exciting anyway. Just some more of the lovely north sea and a murder scene from ages ago. I say 'murder scene' but its just a part of the street where someone got stabbed and bled to death. Infact, no, yeah, a murder scene.

Anyway on a funnier note. Sarah Harding is so funny. Just look at her (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=WJFGcKyt9gY) I also just found a funny article on girls aloud being terrified by a naked lesbian stalker which they found in theire dressing room at G-A-Y club, london. HOW FUNNY. hahaha. I bet it was Shauna.

Shark attack show

2008-12-27T17:38:00.000-08:00

//

2008-12-26T10:50:00.000-08:00

I tell you whats funny, replacing any word that sounds like who, you and do...with the word jew.

Bah Bumhug

2008-12-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

Its 3:06am...

2008-12-24T19:05:00.000-08:00

...and i have never been so BORED in my whole entire life, so bored infact i've allready completed an internet quiz and i even joined gaydargirls. My life is officaly SAD. Danny is allways going on about it, and Amandine so i thought i might aswell join in. I looked at this girl's profile cause when her picture was small she looked abit like Cheryl Cole and i think you must be able to see who looks at your profile cause she sent me a message saying 'oh so you diddnt like the look of my profile then?' what the hell? SOZ. I feel like I've definately crossed the line, facebook & myspace are acceptable but i think gaydar is just weird. Ha, £10 bet next week i'll be lovin' it (insert cool face here) Ho ho OH and yeah, I hate Christmas so much, i think that maybe in a past life i might have died on Christmas day. Thats all, I'm gonna carry on watching ghost hunting with radio one, yvette fielding is the best. I don't believe in Christmas, Jesus or ghosts. Infact i don't believe in anything, Love included, celibate 4LYF. Goodnight, love scroogey baby.

Oh & the photos from Liz & Janettes Party...

2008-12-24T12:38:00.000-08:00

Ha, the wit of an eleven year old.

2008-12-23T12:46:00.000-08:00

W - 'my throat is killing me'
J - 'what with? a knife? or a hammer?'

W - 'ohh one sec'
J - 'ONE!'

W - 'calm down jack!'
J - 'allright, keep your wig on'

'Keep your wig on'

2008-12-23T12:09:00.000-08:00

The party on friday, was SO funny. Liz & Janettes house is ace, and Newcastle aint too much of a treck from here. Bonus.

I know its quite bad but the night/morning ended up with us talking about Jews. It was obviously because we were completely trashed but everything just became hillarious & completely 'jew' orientated, example: Jewcastle (newcastle), Super Jew (superdrug), Judge Jew (judge judy), Jewgos (argos), TJ Jews (TJ Hughes), Jew & M (H&M), Jew What?? (you what??)

it went on for HOURS. Its quite bad, and probably dosent come across as funny as it actually was, but whatever. It was an ace night. I also got told off for asking everyone if they fancied old dead monarchs (queen elizabeth the 1st) I also apparently told everyone i was addicted to watching fort boyard (??????) I have nothing to say about that apart from what the fuck. 'Janette one joke Harwood'

Anywho. I don't like Christmas, last year was SHIT. My dad is a moron, but I just bought some football boots and new goalie gloves so in 2009 i plan to get into playing football again, cause im sick of drinking beer and being fat. Havent really got anything else to say.

Apart from my brother is practicly crying because woolworths is closing. He actually can't get over it.

Things that are annoying today:

2008-12-19T01:10:00.000-08:00

1, Not knowing how to turn off your siblings weird never ending digital dr who watch alarm

2, People who don't use punctuation in extra long sentences when im reading it out loud

3, Not being able to play my guitar without headphones because the woman next door is a baby loving, middle aged, closeted lesbian

4, Green tea bags in the general/normal tea jar

I think that is about it for this morning, its only 9:07am i've managed to narrow it down to four. oh sorry i mean 5, the fucking weather.

Vas Legas

2008-12-17T09:46:00.000-08:00

Ok. I've decided that this 'blog' i'm sporting, is abit shit. I'm not really going to try and make it better, instead i think i will just turn it into a place where i can moan about things that don't really matter that much. Like everyday objects that are annoying, and yeah.

Today i am going to dedicate this entry to drunk text messaging. Its funny, everyone seems to do it, and everybody allways seems to cringe the next day when they suddenly remember what they sent.

Last night i seemed to think that it would be a good idea to text the words 'I fancy you ha! x' to the same girl that i thought i'd ruined things with before.(or at least i think thats what it said, i deleted the whole of my sent items as soon as i woke up this morning, to try and cut the cringe factor) Anyway, if i diddnt ruin it before then i've probably/definately ruined it now. Not that there was anything to ruin.

As far as i know, nobody reads this blog. I hope they don't because i sound like an idiot.

Today was uneventful, i took a stroll along the beach and looked around some charity shops. When i say 'stroll' i mean i stood on the beach and took 3 pictures of my feet then scuttled back up into the street because it was too cold.

Last night me and sio almost stole a bus. I kinda wish we had just gone for it. The driver left his engine running while he ran into the station (which has no windows, hmm) so we ran over and pressed the button on the side of the bus that opens the doors and hopped in. I sat in the drivers seat and turned on the window wipers. We werent in there long really. I jumped out and turned around to see sio throwing garlic chips all over the bus and laughing. It was a funny moment.

The day the earth stood still ...

2008-12-15T13:34:00.000-08:00

... is'nt very a very good film.

Prevention is better than cure.

2008-12-02T07:04:00.000-08:00

The weekend was complete DOOM.

Thursday, me & rory went to a night called pig fight, it was okay...but no-one was there so we just went back to hers with some wine & in the end it was better than going out.

Friday, me & rory went to the joiners & then met molly and co at a house party in Hackney, it was okay, full of australians though. We crashed there and got woken up in the rudest way, a party pooper who couldn't handle my whitney alarm. Prick.

Saturday, I'd rather not talk about, I got so drunk that the whole night just feels like a complete BLUR and i think i ruined things with someone that i really liked. Oh well, it just makes me realise how much easier it is to just be completely alone.

Well i am handing my notice in at work today. I wish i had more interesting stuff to write about, I'm sure ill find somthing soon. Bye.

I don't know.

2008-11-26T07:32:00.000-08:00

HORROR Scopes

2008-10-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

For the past 2 years, when riding tubes or being at work, I've realised that i only ever pick up magazines or london paper's/london lite's that are lying around souly because of whats written in the back.

I allways read my starsigns and would like to think that they do have some relevance, but in reality anyone could write a horrorscope and probabaly anyone could relate to it, i definately think that at least 3 quarters of the population in London can. Money problems, terrible love life, taking things for granted...who dosent? So i'm just wondering how psychic the people who write these horrorscopes really are. I'm thinking less psychic, just more obvious. Maybe they should be renamed as 'obvious scopes' i think thats more fitting.

As much as im skeptical about the whole hoohar, I am still susceptible to the possible hidden meanings and the relevance a few pointless random sentences are to me. I'd like to not think that when i read her starsign and it says 'a new moon will bring a whilwind romance out of the blue this week' I didd'nt die inside and i'd like to think that i had a more practicle way of thinking, but i don't and this is how it is, me and the obvious scopes bound together for the rest of my london lite reading days.

All that is.

2008-10-29T19:14:00.001-07:00

It could have been worse

2008-10-29T18:56:00.001-07:00

I just almost burnt down my halls with these 2 bits of pitta bread. I'm not actually joking, i went into the kitchen and there was just smoking coming out of the cooker. oops. I think the pitta on the left looks abit like jonny 5 out of short circuit.

Happy Halloween.

2008-10-29T13:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, so nothing much has happened recently. Apart from i have discovered how shit at 'blogging' i am, i don't think i quite get it. Nevermind.

SO today, I attempted to go for a date with myself to the british museum, only to arrive & realise that i should probably read things more carefully before i set off on a mission, as they are not open tuesday - friday until 8:30pm they are in actual fact only open thursdays & fridays until 8:30 and thats only for special exhibitions. So i arrived and was cold & pissed off. I walked to oxford street & went to sainsburys and bought a big packet of sainsburys own no branded cornflakes, a packet of wholemeal pitta bread and 5 packets of 9p chicken noodles and a big massive bottle of skimmed milk. Oh and 3 banannas, with the last of my money. I'm becoming quite used to never having any money what so ever. Then after i'd done my weekly shop i walked down Denmark street & went guitar window shopping. Then i went to Covent garden had a look in some more shops bought 4 special K 'health bars' ate them and came home.

So really, tonight has been nothing but a waste of money. Day 1, alcohol is replaced with special K healthy snack bars.

Sunday is going to be good. Think Pat sharp on a BMX in his fun house.

anyway. I'm going to do more research.

Some more shapes for the road.

2008-10-29T13:12:00.000-07:00

A day of relaxation

2008-09-03T10:44:00.000-07:00

Today has been OK. Haven't done anything really except have a bath, which must have been a funny sight...seeing as i can't bend my knees or put any weight on my left arm and hand. Before today i never really thought about what it would be like to loose an arm or a limb, and now i appreciate the fact i have arms, legs and independence. Although today the stairs were abit of an annika challenge because trying to walk up them without bending your knees is tricky.

So after walking up and down the stairs like a puppet i have been painting all day, and what better way to relax?

Anyway, i am going to put some creme de la creme on my scabby knee caps.

Bicycles

2008-09-02T17:44:00.001-07:00

I hate mine.

I just fell off it on Mare street (12:30am) and i am bleeding and i cant bend my knees. I hate my bike. I hate my bike. I hate my shit bike. I hate my bike.

I was just riding the shit contraption and then all of a sudden the chain pingged off the wheel twisted back round towards me then i decked it and some nice people helped me, then i picked up my bike and the handle bars were facing backwards.

I am in so much pain so i am going to go and crawl upstairs with my bleeding elbows and knees to eat noodles, drink lucozade and eat bread...maybe listen to Leona Lewis, maybe. Keep bleedin'...

MSG?

2008-07-22T16:08:00.000-07:00

Today I have eaten 4 snickers bars. 4.

18.07.08

2008-07-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

Trailer Trash
This was an interesting night in London. After trading in my oyster card I spent my last £5 on entry to a club called 'on the rocks' to a night called 'trailer trash' It was interesting to say the least, I met a really interesting charecter called Ronald (pictured above) from Berlin and he spoke like the head robot from I ROBOT.

My first impressions of London are mixed, Not sure how long i will stay here.